Ok. You now know what you have to do. Don't talk to us again until it's done.

(I'm talking to you like your father. Meanwhile, congratulate yourself on your good taste in machinery and your good sense to make it happen.)

The "planer boys" (those who have let the course of this disease progress to the point where they now own a planer) know firsthand about "The Nurse." Usually by the time the old iron disease is this progressed the victim usually can't think much about anything other than old iron.

You see there's this nurse who comes by while the wife isn't looking and gives the most extreme sufferers a pill which allows them some semblance of a normal life. You know. After your pill, you talk to the wife, you tell a joke, you watch TV, you maybe even have a beer and relax with your feet up on the hassock. The effect of the pills are only temporary - relief lasts only until the sufferer sees yet another old machine that needs a home - and someone to care for it.

Shortly after the arrival of the nurse and her pill, the victim goes in and watches TV, usually something like "Desperate Housewives" or some other female emotional sedative. And according to reports from the wife, he seems to enjoy it.

This can go on for some time. Wives when confronted with this first are pleased that their significant other seems to have turned a corner in their addiction. The back rubs given by victim/significant other please the wife still further. Then without warning, the wife gets concerned. Maybe he's finally come unhinged? Finally, out of concern for the mate, wife then makes the statement "Why don't you go outside to the shop and work on that new (fill in the blank here) whatever it is all rusty and dirty?" An opportunity presents itself.

This is your chance and what the nurse is all about. This is known in the old iron circles as the *optimal marital condition.*

Stick with the nurse. The nurse knows.

But you have to work your way up to a planer.

Go slow. A planer is a big step. And the nurse doesn't tolerate pretenders to the throne. You might find yourself stuck in front of Desperate Housewives with no easy way out.

All in good fun. Have fun with it.

Joe