This is me from 2009. Describing all you need to know about "the nurse."
There's only one solution: GET A PLANER.
With the planer comes the services of "The Nurse." Shortly after arrival of the planer will come a knock at your door. On your doorstep will be the nurse. She'll give you pills which will make you the most agreeable, most generous, most affable marriage partner. Take the pills she gives you one a day - but no more. Serious overdose consequences may result otherwise.
With the nurse, if you're not married - you soon will be. If you are, your wife will declare you a "keepah."
With the pills you'll be able to watch an entire season of Desperate Housewives alongside your wife and she'll swear she'd rather be with you than with any of her girlfriends. Finally, you'll get to the point where she grows a bit concerned wondering if you're not a girl in disguise. Doubts creep into her mind. Finally the question: "Dear, wouldn't you like to spend some time out in the shop like all the other men?"
You've then made it. The nurse smiles. That's the sign of "optimal married condition."
Yup. You need a planer.
Note: if you should happen upon a locomotive, there's a whole medical team devoted to that brand of old iron affliction. They've been known to do medical care for the entire family, including CPR on the wife.
I saw a locomotive advertised over on Harry's Old Engine Site.
Joe
We've since learned that she looks kind of like Flo the Progressive Girl except in candistripes.
