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I'm tired. Tired and I don't think I have any left in me, to give my company

Trueturning

Diamond
Joined
Jul 2, 2019
I've tried. It works to get me to sleep, it works to keep me asleep.

One, It slows my memory recall to a point where the day after I can tell that I smoked. It's embarrassing to talk to clients and stumble over words that are normally part of my vocabulary. They may not know why, but I do.

Two, I am less emotionally present for my family.

Finally, I get rebound anxiety. The next day, all the anxiety that was held at bay seems to hit me, as well as any anxiety from that day.

I really blame most of it on Covid. We all sat at home (or work) getting on without a majority of the stress we normally have. We all got this taste of something that had a little more reward with a little less investment of energy. I ate home cooked meals, I cooked with my wife, I hung out with my daughter, etc etc etc...and I did it all on less money. Then I went back to work where people seemed meaner, more selfish, and less patient. Because of workload, my diet returned to fast food or takeout. My interactions with my daughter are after school, between sleepovers or practices, and we are both exhausted. Now on top of that, my money isn't going as far.

Pretty sad really

That is really true. Times are exhausting everyone. Five million lost their jobs straight up at the early months of the Covid. Some just took early retirement and were fed up. Boomers have tipped into retirement now and the last bunch will likely drop out of working largely. They will drastically cut their expenses and find smaller dwellings and whatever they can cut.


Yes the Covid has effected everyone in challenging ways. Kids in schools struggle. The remote learning was problematic and parental involvement was needed. It is very very easy for any child to fall behind that way and sting in on a few sessions I see where they would fall behind anyway depending on the teacher.

Some say that Yoga and perhaps therapeutic Tai Chi are fantastic. I have just recently gotten melatonin for sleep. I wake at the same time each day usually. If get 6 hours that is good sometimes it may be as low as four. I will nap a bit during the day.

Last year I was given a medication which had a benzo in it for sleep. It worked yet that stuff has been bad for anxiety and it requires more to work. It does work well for a bit and then more is needed and then it is cut back or cut off which after going through that I avoided the sleep prescription having the benzo in it. I stopped after five days. I did take one or two Iregularly the next 6 months and stopped with three left. I threw them away.

I found if a marriage has gone bad or there are deaths in the family or someone is very sick then it can get to be too much stress for many different people.

Using anxiety medications can be very dangerous. They as with anything must be monitored closely and honestly. Alcohol overall is turned to in many parts of the world during hard times.

Troubles can make things like that a problem if people are not careful.
 

doug925

Titanium
Joined
Nov 21, 2002
Location
Houston
Well, I am back.
My wife and I just returned. I feel refreshed, and am not sweating the BS. (An ex-employee came by, and backed into the building. Put a hole right in the wall!)

We spent:
1 day in Carlsbad
5 days in Angel Fire (Red River, Cimarron, Eagle's Nest)
3 days in Ruidoso, before the McBride fire ran us out of town
3 days in Las Cruces

I even got to cross 'panning for gold' off my bucket list. And, I actually found some! (microscopic though they are)

This is my plan:
Find a professional to talk to. (I carry around a LOT of anger and anxiety)
Play worker bee for a few months. 8-10 hrs a day, MAX.
Completely disengage from work once I leave for the day.
Reevaluate my plan and bank accounts in 3 months time.

Thanks to all who took the time to read and reply!

Doug.

20220411_171311.jpg
(Hiking the Cedar Creek Loop @ 7300' Ruidoso, N.M.)
 

ChipSplitter

Titanium
Joined
May 23, 2019
Location
Maybe
<snip> (I carry around a LOT of anger and anxiety) <snip>

I know religion is "officially" verboten here, but........it DOES make a difference. In fact, it can change your life. For me, a Christianity that doesn't radically change the way I respond and think isn't worth having.

Just my $0.02
 

doug925

Titanium
Joined
Nov 21, 2002
Location
Houston
Sounds great! Glad you got out and lived a little (I'm jealous!).

When you get a second, let us know what you did in Las Cruses. I was out there five or so times (80's - 90's) for testing equipment at White Sands Missile Range that was going up on Shuttle/Spacelab missions, really liked the area.

White Sands.... I know it well. We took our engagement photos there. (About 2 months after our wedding...LOL)

My Mom lives in Las Cruces, so we get out there often.
It is typically a jump off point for other destinations in N.M.

While there we hike Soledad Canyon, Dripping Springs, and other trails.
IMG_0838.jpg White Sands

20210124_142726.jpg SoleDad Canyon

20210125_143637.jpg Gila Cliff Dwellings
 

CITIZEN F16

Titanium
Joined
May 2, 2021
Apparently your emotional development is arrested at about the time somebody starts doing drugs, so if you stared smoking pot etc at 13, you'll never be emotionally older than 13.

I seriously think he went backward, at 12 when he would come to visit he was always looking for chores to earn extra spending money. Fast forward to three stints with me between 16 and 18. His mother put him on a bus, he obviously had become unfocused and lazy. I figured the first thing to try was piece work on stuff a monkey could do after he sucked down a 12 pack. Deburring parts, painting parts, cleaning, packing, general clean up, etc. I just paid him cash until I was sure he was going to make it.

To really dangle the carrot I based his piece rate on what I could do paying myself $30 an hour at 3/4 speed. I hauled ass and took 75% of that rate. If someone offered that deal I would have finished a job as fast as I could and asked what's next. I would have drained my uncle's wallet in no time. Since everything he earned was free and clear since I was putting him up and feeding him he was satisfied at making $50-$60 a day. I had plenty of work and was running myself ragged to keep up. He could have made $1500 a week cash at 16! He was more than happy with $300-$400, the rest of the time he was on his phone or eating me out of house and home. After he had a decent bankroll he would make up what I found out later were lies to go back home. I knew he lied a lot but I figured I would give him the benefit of the doubt. He was a High School dropout and not going back. Once he was broke he would say all his business at home was done and he wanted to come back.

After this behavior repeated twice and he turned 18 I was done with him. Three strikes and you are out. It was later found out he was going home to party, there were no court dates, probation officer appointments, or ex girlfriends that might be pregnant. I also found evidence he was using drugs at my home and his mother asked if I had solvents around, she said he was also probably huffing when he was at my place.

So sad, 12 year old straight A student. My best friend had a straight a student daughter the same age. We had them married off and him taking over my business. Half the story turned out good my friend's daughter got straight A's
in college and is a Christian who lives a clean life. My family member did a long stint in state prison.
 

CITIZEN F16

Titanium
Joined
May 2, 2021
White Sands.... I know it well. We took our engagement photos there. (About 2 months after our wedding...LOL)

My Mom lives in Las Cruces, so we get out there often.
It is typically a jump off point for other destinations in N.M.

While there we hike Soledad Canyon, Dripping Springs, and other trails.
View attachment 347467 White Sands

View attachment 347468 SoleDad Canyon

View attachment 347469 Gila Cliff Dwellings

I am confused, who is the lady in the picture? I thought you said you were recently divorced?
 

CITIZEN F16

Titanium
Joined
May 2, 2021
I am confused, who is the lady in the picture? I thought you said you were recently divorced?

That's the new and improved model....................

She is hotter than a two dollar pistol, and Doug wants us to feel sorry for him? I think we have been duped. If hanging with her is what he does when he is bumming, what does he do when things are good? Lucky bastard! I think he slipped on a piece of dog crap and landed in a bowl of cherries. No more sympathy from me for Doug.
 

doug925

Titanium
Joined
Nov 21, 2002
Location
Houston
Citizen F16,
No harm/ no foul.
I divorced in 2015, and remarried 12/31/2020

Thank you. She is way hotter than my level should pull! lol


I am LMAO at the 'new and improved' and 'Mk1/ Mk2' comments!:D:D:D

This will be the second day in a row I leave work....HAPPY! ;)

Doug.
 

doug925

Titanium
Joined
Nov 21, 2002
Location
Houston
I know religion is "officially" verboten here, but........it DOES make a difference. In fact, it can change your life. For me, a Christianity that doesn't radically change the way I respond and think isn't worth having.

Just my $0.02

Chipsplitter,

I am not religious in the denomination sense. Too many atrocities have been done in the name of one religion or other.
I even considered myself an agnostic for most of my life.
Until.... I was going through divorce.

A customer was in my office at the time, and I was an emotional mess. (Burying myself in work was not an option for me at the time)
In my raw, emotional state, he asked if I would pray with him.
I did.
It helped.

The very next day, in a REALLY BAD place, I prayed again.
This time asking for strength and inner peace.
The relief was immediate! From that day forward, I have not considered myself agnostic.

Doug.
 

mattthemuppet

Hot Rolled
Joined
Apr 22, 2016
Location
San Antonio
sounds like a fabulous break. Carlsbad is cool and Ruidoso is beautiful, would love to go back there. I really wanted to go to White Sands range but we hadn't gotten our Green Cards at that point, so figured we'd err on the side of caution and skip it.

It's easy to forget how important taking a break and spending time with family is. Even if it's only for a few days, seeing some new sights and being somewhere different can make a big difference.
 

ChipSplitter

Titanium
Joined
May 23, 2019
Location
Maybe
Chipsplitter,

I am not religious in the denomination sense. Too many atrocities have been done in the name of one religion or other.
I even considered myself an agnostic for most of my life.
Until.... I was going through divorce.

A customer was in my office at the time, and I was an emotional mess. (Burying myself in work was not an option for me at the time)
In my raw, emotional state, he asked if I would pray with him.
I did.
It helped.

The very next day, in a REALLY BAD place, I prayed again.
This time asking for strength and inner peace.
The relief was immediate! From that day forward, I have not considered myself agnostic.

Doug.

I really believe God draws people to himself through many means (2 Peter 3:9). For me it usually is by reaching the end of my rope.:o

As far as atrocities, just remember that it was NOT so in the beginning. The early church (before AD 300) would be scandalized at what has been done in the name of Christ over the centuries. They literally lived out "Love your enemies; do good to those who despitefully use you and persecute you". Needless to say, it was very different from today's conventional "Christianity".
 

Bobw

Diamond
Joined
Feb 8, 2005
Location
Hatch, NM Chile capital of the WORLD
sounds like a fabulous break. Carlsbad is ???? and Ruidoso is beautiful,

Ruidoso is a weird little place. I've lived out here for over 20 years and I spent zero time there until last summer. Thoroughly enjoyed it, and then we went back in the fall, and we were going to go over Easter weekend, but I was tied up on the east coast, and thankfully I was due to the fires.

Weird place, they roll up the carpet at like 5pm.. 7 on the weekends, even when there is a big biker rally in town. It just completely shuts down, and its a TOURIST town. Bars, restaurants, liquor stores, shops. They just close up. EARLY!!!! I think the casino pays them, nothing going on in town, have to go to the casino, which we did not.

Took my better half fishing up there this past summer for the first time in her life.. Her first fish EVER, a 3.5lb Golden Rainbow. And I got one too, same size, different sex, hatchery fish, they snip the tails on all the big ones which makes the fight kind of weak.

51323116331_30a029797a_c.jpg


Cool place though. Every cottage has a hot tub. We stayed right in the middle of town on the river. Did a lot of hot tub time. Lot of wild life. This pic was off the porch of the cottage we stayed in this summer.

52016537056_d749f6b818_c.jpg


Been a weird year for me, I'm trying to get back in the groove. I have a dentist appointment on Thursday,
and I think I'm taking Friday off and heading up to Ruidoso to do some old man trout fishing at Grindstone.
Its just little over an hour and a half from the house, and the last time I rolled up there I got 42mpg, so I don't
care how much gas is... I'm going fishing.

Neat little town. SOUTHERN New Mexico, it should be miserable desert and hotter than hell, but its not, its way up in the mountains, 6800 feet or so. Kind of like Colorado, but not quite.
 

Big B

Diamond
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Location
Michigan, USA
Ruidoso is a weird little place. I've lived out here for over 20 years and I spent zero time there until last summer. Thoroughly enjoyed it, and then we went back in the fall, and we were going to go over Easter weekend, but I was tied up on the east coast, and thankfully I was due to the fires.

Weird place, they roll up the carpet at like 5pm.. 7 on the weekends, even when there is a big biker rally in town. It just completely shuts down, and its a TOURIST town. Bars, restaurants, liquor stores, shops. They just close up. EARLY!!!! I think the casino pays them, nothing going on in town, have to go to the casino, which we did not.

Took my better half fishing up there this past summer for the first time in her life.. Her first fish EVER, a 3.5lb Golden Rainbow. And I got one too, same size, different sex, hatchery fish, they snip the tails on all the big ones which makes the fight kind of weak.

Cool place though. Every cottage has a hot tub. We stayed right in the middle of town on the river. Did a lot of hot tub time. Lot of wild life. This pic was off the porch of the cottage we stayed in this summer.

Been a weird year for me, I'm trying to get back in the groove. I have a dentist appointment on Thursday,
and I think I'm taking Friday off and heading up to Ruidoso to do some old man trout fishing at Grindstone.
Its just little over an hour and a half from the house, and the last time I rolled up there I got 42mpg, so I don't
care how much gas is... I'm going fishing.

Neat little town. SOUTHERN New Mexico, it should be miserable desert and hotter than hell, but its not, its way up in the mountains, 6800 feet or so. Kind of like Colorado, but not quite.

I've never been to Ruidoso but may take a trip up there yet before heading back to Michigan. Took a nice long drive through Hillsboro and the Gila National Forest and on to Silver City a few years ago. Beautiful area.

Still looking to get to Elephant Butte and White Sands. We're in Deming right now.

BTW, Glad to hear that you're feeling a little better about life again Doug. Good that you recognized the problem and took some steps to get it sorted out.
 

Freedommachine

Hot Rolled
Joined
May 13, 2020
Chipsplitter,

I am not religious in the denomination sense. Too many atrocities have been done in the name of one religion or other.
I even considered myself an agnostic for most of my life.
Until.... I was going through divorce.

A customer was in my office at the time, and I was an emotional mess. (Burying myself in work was not an option for me at the time)
In my raw, emotional state, he asked if I would pray with him.
I did.
It helped.

The very next day, in a REALLY BAD place, I prayed again.
This time asking for strength and inner peace.
The relief was immediate! From that day forward, I have not considered myself agnostic.

Doug.


Doug,

If I may suggest two books that I have found benefit from in my life;

The first is; Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. (I will send it to you in book or audio form if you're interested)

During WW2, the BBC network hired C.S. Lewis to give a series of lectures broadcast to the British people explaining the fundamentals of Christianity in the most simple terms possible. It was later made into a very good, relatively short book.

The second is; '12 rules for life' written by a clinical psychologist, Dr. Jordan Peterson.

It is a deep dive down the rabbit hole of the human psyche teaching about things like spite, anger, pride, resentment, jealousy, anxiety; where these things come from and how they manifest in our lives.

I have found it to be extremely valuable knowledge for helping to keep things in proper balance.

He also has a popular YouTube channel where all of his lectures can be found for free.
 

Big B

Diamond
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Location
Michigan, USA
You better hurry up and get there before its GONE!!!

Used to be about 40 miles long, now its about 4.

Is the wind blowing all of the white sand away or what's happening to it? Mining?

We took an Alaskan cruise about 10 years ago that included a glacier sighting. They cruised the ship up into a canyon and about the time we could see the glacier they turned it around and we were off. They probably have a lot of ships going in and out of there and it's one at a time please. I have a feeling that it may not be much longer and you won't see any glaciers from ships so I'm glad that we at least got to see one.

I was just looking at various routes from Deming to Michigan and those areas are pretty much right on the way to I-40 so we may check it out this year yet. How are the roads for towing a 7 ton fifth wheel? Are the locals going to hate me if I can't race through the mountains?
 








 
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