OT-Wife makes great money, would you keep working or stay home with the kids?

[pmtool]

Somewhat hypothetical question. Assume your spouse made 200K a year, you made 50 or 60k as a machinist. Kids look to be in the future. Would you consider staying home for a few years until they are in school or spend a good chunk of your paycheck on daycare and continue working 40 plus hour weeks? About 30 years old, no debt other than a very modest mortgage and happy living a low key lifestyle and saving the excess.

Is it silly to continue working out of "pride" and enjoyment? Maybe part time?

 

[iwananew10K]

home shop and product development time.

Hard core man cave shit.

 

[surplusjohn]

knowing what I know now at 61, i would stay home and raise the kids, I was a single father for some time while owning a business, etc and in the long run the kids are more important and if the bills are paid then you have a great opportunity.

 

[PeteM]

+1 to iwananew10K. Do something productive and interesting, while reading to, playing with, challenging, bonding with the kids.

 

[Toms Wheels]

My kids had great benefits from my wife staying home the first 12 years. So I,d say as long as you will be the stay at home dad, go for it. Staying home is a 30 hour a week job, with mandatory OT, at no increase in pay. Great side benefits though.

 

[RC Mech]

+1 for man cave.

Out of curiosity, what job entails $200K before the age of 30? Inquiring minds who aren't there yet wanna know *how*.

Undergrad, done at 22 or so, med school by 25, residency done after 3-4 years unless it's GP then only 2, and you're 27. Still, $200,000 is a stretch at that point.

 

[ihbuilder]

I'm currently raising the kids with a small home shop making RC truck and equipment parts with my wife grossing half that amount . It's not easy goin but if you factor day care / sitter cost compared to what I would make in my area , we're saving $ . The kids are in school now , so I get more done during the day . Don't let pride be a factor , that hurt me during the housing market crash . We kept them in day care at the time when I should of closed the excavating bizz and pulled them out .

 

[redlee]

Kids are only kids once, you wont regret getting to know your kids and being a father to them.
And your kids will hopefully grow up appreciating it!

 

[adama]

Unfortunatly my partners about $170k short of your number. But im 33 now, were very much planning something along the lines were she will probably continue to work and my self employment will be slotted around both her shifts and the family to be hopefully. Have spent the last few years steering my self into a different market place to help make that happen. Were my product lines are way more under my control and my own choice of timings. Even if she had the income, i think there’s a lot said for the safety net of having a separate income your self too, even if tiny in comparison. This trade may not be the best paying, but few multi talented guys in this field ever go hungry or homeless. Small and well managed debt is a key part of that.

Looking after and maintaining a house is pretty easy in comparison to a 50 hour working week, but there’s plenty to do still. IMHO there’s no point in having a family if your not going to be around to see the benefits of it or have some one else raise your kids. Equally fun is not directly proportional to house hold income, there’s loads of fun interesting and cheap things to do if you think about it and look outside the main stream box.

 

[snowman]

I'd still do daycare part time, being a stay at home dad is hard work.

I did daycare part time, took care of my daughter part time. My wife didn't make good money, but it was pretty damn awesome and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

[Sean S]

Forgive me for being straightforward on this one, but the big question is how it will affect...over time... the dynamics between you and your spouse.

That is something that doesn't seem to be addressed so far here.

I'm going to risk offending you by offering some very sobering opinions *of my own*.

Here goes...

It *will* affect your relationship dynamic. It might take awhile, and she might claim it won't, but that just isn't how the brain works.

It will also affect...over time... who *you* are. Are you still doing physical work daily, do you still feel like a bread winner? Are you going to spend as much time around males as you do now?

You might be surprised what things your spouse was attracted to about you that neither of you really thought about.

Now... I don't know either of you, and from where you sit this could be total BS, but I would advise that you at least consider it.

Sean

 

[pmtool]

+1 for man cave.

Out of curiosity, what job entails $200K before the age of 30? Inquiring minds who aren't there yet wanna know *how*.

Undergrad, done at 22 or so, med school by 25, residency done after 3-4 years unless it's GP then only 2, and you're 27. Still, $200,000 is a stretch at that point.

Dentist, even better she does that in 4 x 11 hour days a week and gets great benefits. Turns out grinding on teeth is more lucrative then grinding steel. If anyone has kids aspiring to be doctors I would point them towards dentistry. Great career.

 

[wheels17]

I had a retirement planned, but now I have 2 boomerang kids at home, with 2.5 and 3 year old grandkids living with us. I'm taking care of the grandkids while the kids work. You will get essentially nothing done with kids that age at home, until they are in bed. Nothing.

 

[IronReb]

Any Dad here who is/was active in their child's lives knows full well that taking care of your kid is damn demanding of time and energy.

The one who assumes the full time responsibility of chief cook and bottle washer is gonna be working double shifts for several years.

Until the child is damn near school age you have to keep a constant eye on them, the only time you will have for yourself is....well, good luck.

Only people who can know if you raise the kids versus daycare will be you and your wife because people and relationships are so different.

What are you gonna do when night after night when you want your time to hang in your man cave your hit over the head with "I have to be at work in the early AM or stay late so bla bla bla" .....

Got to thinking when I post this.
It cant be all bad because people would stop wanting the job.

I know my wife was up to date on all the day time TV programs so there is some free time there while JR rolls around on the carpet slobbering every were.

Little kids take lots of naps....you will learn to love nap time too

 

[pmtool]

Forgive me for being straightforward on this one, but the big question is how it will affect...over time... the dynamics between you and your spouse.

That is something that doesn't seem to be addressed so far here.

I'm going to risk offending you by offering some very sobering opinions *of my own*.

Here goes...

It *will* affect your relationship dynamic. It might take awhile, and she might claim it won't, but that just isn't how the brain works.

It will also affect...over time... who *you* are. Are you still doing physical work daily, do you still feel like a bread winner? Are you going to spend as much time around males as you do now?

You might be surprised what things your spouse was attracted to about you that neither of you really thought about.

Now... I don't know either of you, and from where you sit this could be total BS, but I would advise that you at least consider it.

Sean

Thanks for your honest opinion. While my wife is great and understands that she would be the dominant money maker in nearly any relationship, I do think there are real identity issues here. If not with her at least with me. Heck I can barely go on a vacation without feeling like I should be doing something more productive. Funny, welcome to 2015 huh..

 

[Sean S]

Thanks for your honest opinion. While my wife is great and understands that she would be the dominant money maker in nearly any relationship, I do think there are real identity issues here. If not with her at least with me. Heck I can barely go on a vacation without feeling like I should be doing something more productive. Funny, welcome to 2015 huh..

Just don't find out the hard way that she was subconsciously attracted to the smell of machine oil

 

[RC Mech]

Dentist, even better she does that in 4 x 11 hour days a week and gets great benefits. Turns out grinding on teeth is more lucrative then grinding steel. If anyone has kids aspiring to be doctors I would point them towards dentistry. Great career.

Absolutely, thanks. Lucrative is putting it mildly, although I had it half-sorted when my dentist billed $603.00 for 30 mins of chair time.

Good for you two. Young and livin' the dream!

 

[Putch]

Raise the kids yourself, the right way, whatever that way is for you! Have your own little or big or huge machine shop and do whatever the hell you want!

 

[snowman]

Thanks for your honest opinion. While my wife is great and understands that she would be the dominant money maker in nearly any relationship, I do think there are real identity issues here. If not with her at least with me. Heck I can barely go on a vacation without feeling like I should be doing something more productive. Funny, welcome to 2015 huh..

There are ways around that. My wife is the bread winner...as she's the one who brings home the health insurance.

I've made more than her financially most years, it's just not as straight forward...ie, there isn't a biweekly paycheck.

Now, 200k is a bit high...but those who are saying "kids take a lot of naps" etc...have no f'n clue. If I'm with my daughter, I plan to get some basic housework done. If I'm by myself, I'm in the shop. That's why I suggested the part time daycare route...it is important for social development for your kid to be around other kids in an environment where they are safe but allowed free play.

I too am a workaholic...you will never feel underworked taking care of your child. It may be fun and rewarding as hell, but it is work.

What I would do, is put the child in daycare from 7a to noon. You make sure you have something productive to do during that time for yourself...then from noon til the wife comes home, it's daddy daughter time. You also make dinner. There won't be identity issues or feelings of lacking productivity.

 

[jrmach]

I would feel guilty and have to set her down and ask why she is with me.