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The Art of Avoiding Work

Ox

Diamond
Joined
Aug 27, 2002
Location
Northwest Ohio
This is in the back of a [new?] publication from Endeavor Media that came in with New Equipment Digest (I think).

It hurts me to give any amount of credence to Endeavor as I would love to hear that their entire spamming network had gotten ran into by an electric car and burnt up in a never ending fire, but I did find this writ clever.



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The art of avoiding work​

March 7, 2024
So you think you’re a good procrastinator? Captain Unreliability says hold my channel locks.
Captain Unreliability




In the fast-paced world of business, there's one skill that sets the true professionals apart from the rest: the ability to avoid doing actual work at all costs.
While some may think that productivity and efficiency are key, true masters of the corporate world know that the real secret to success lies in the art of procrastination. So, if you're ready to take your career to the next level, here are some expert tips on how to do everything but the work required within organizations.
1. Endless Meetings. The cornerstone of corporate procrastination! Meetings are the perfect way to waste time without actually accomplishing anything. Schedule meetings for every minor decision, invite as many people as possible, and make sure to spend the majority of the time discussing irrelevant topics. Bonus points if you can schedule back-to-back meetings, ensuring that no actual work gets done.
2. Email Overload. Another essential tool in the procrastinator's arsenal, email is the perfect way to appear busy while actually accomplishing very little. Spend hours crafting long, detailed emails about minor issues, and make sure to copy everyone in the organization. Bonus points for sending emails at odd hours, ensuring that your colleagues are constantly on edge.
3. Pointless Reports. Nothing says "I'm busy" like a long, detailed report. Spend hours compiling data, creating graphs, and analyzing trends, all while avoiding any actual work. Bonus points if you can make the report so complex that no one actually understands it, ensuring that you'll be asked to present it multiple times.
4. Office Politics. Engaging in office politics is a great way to avoid doing actual work while appearing to be productive. Spend hours gossiping with colleagues, forming alliances, and maneuvering for power, all while avoiding any real responsibilities. Bonus points if you can create enough drama to distract the entire office.
5. Endless Training. Corporate training sessions are a great way to avoid doing real work while still appearing to be productive. Sign up for every training session offered, regardless of relevance or necessity, and spend hours sitting through mind-numbing presentations. Bonus points if you can convince your boss that you need to attend a conference in Hawaii for "professional development."
6. Busy Work. When all else fails, busy work is the perfect way to avoid doing actual work while still appearing to be busy. Spend hours reorganizing your desk, color-coding your inbox, or alphabetizing your file cabinets, all while avoiding any real tasks. Bonus points if you can convince your boss that these tasks are essential to your job.
In conclusion, the key to success in the corporate world is not hard work or dedication, but rather the ability to avoid doing actual work at all costs. By mastering the art of procrastination and focusing on everything but the work required, you too can rise to the top of the corporate ladder. So, here's to a successful career filled with endless meetings, pointless reports, and endless training sessions.


Link here @ https://www.plantservices.com/blogs/captain-unreliability/article/33038056/the-art-of-avoiding-work


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I am Ox and I approve this here post!
 
It hurts me to give any amount of credence to Endeavor as I would love to hear that their entire spamming network had gotten ran into by an electric car and burnt up in a never ending fire, but I did find this writ clever.
Sadly there is nothing clever, or made up about that. 🤣 That is daily life in big corporations. They break up every decision and every task into so many pieces that no one, single person is ever responsible for anything. That way nobody gets in trouble. Government too. The people organizing the meetings are considered the ones "getting things done." Management views them to be the leaders and put them in charge of ever-growing projects. Their underlings begin to set up meetings to prepare things for the larger meetings. They will seriously have "dry run" meetings where they will go over everything in advance of the real, actual meeting with the customer.
 
Western productivity is at an all time low while the paper pushers at the top, have more assistants then ever and more meeting sthen ever accomplishing nothing...taking bonuses.

Absolutely. So eat their lunch. Easier said than done.

Build a business that works more efficiently and produces a better product, or has better service. Countless stories of a single vendor having “6 month” leadtimes or low quality parts. It works when the buyer is another corpo monolith that doesn’t identify issues until they’ve grown into a clusterfuck.

Lean and mean. Eat their lunch. Penetrating the market seems to be the main issue in this plan IME.
 
That's research, and Continuous Improvement.
How much research, and Continuous Improvement can you afford to do?
My employees log all time on part making and downtime and the computer "talks" at the end of the week about it.
So only fair that I should be doing the same.
Lawyers and accounts track minutes to bill me. Wonder if they track lost time?
If you you track your own time use as you do employees there might be some "ouch".

"Hi my name is Bob and I am a procrastinator".
This flaw in my genetics has sent me off the deep end more than once.
If you are part of the part making side do you track your efficiency and money.
Maybe you are at the point where you do not make parts anymore.
Dad came into my new shop and said "I hire people to do this".
I said "Yes, you hired me to do it. I do not have your volume so my ass is on a machine".

Much is different in a 1 man, 2-3 person shop, a 40 person shop, and a 1000 person shop and I know that all well.

As a shop owner we expect paycheck time put in vs output.
For sure there is slack or downtime.

Do we apply this equally. A look in the mirror.
I push my people hard on production and downtime.
Should not the same apply to me? Do you track that on yourself?
:soapbox:
 
How much research, and Continuous Improvement can you afford to do?
My employees log all time on part making and downtime and the computer "talks" at the end of the week about it.
So only fair that I should be doing the same.
Lawyers and accounts track minutes to bill me. Wonder if they track lost time?
If you you track your own time use as you do employees there might be some "ouch".

"Hi my name is Bob and I am a procrastinator".
This flaw in my genetics has sent me off the deep end more than once.
If you are part of the part making side do you track your efficiency and money.
Maybe you are at the point where you do not make parts anymore.
Dad came into my new shop and said "I hire people to do this".
I said "Yes, you hired me to do it. I do not have your volume so my ass is on a machine".

Much is different in a 1 man, 2-3 person shop, a 40 person shop, and a 1000 person shop and I know that all well.

As a shop owner we expect paycheck time put in vs output.
For sure there is slack or downtime.

Do we apply this equally. A look in the mirror.
I push my people hard on production and downtime.
Should not the same apply to me? Do you track that on yourself?
:soapbox:

I am my worst employee. But I am my only employee as well... and from my seat here I can see the blue lights flashing on my machines, I see some dirt/chips on the floor that really should be swept up, and I see an area of the shop I should be organizing...my list always just gets longer, and that gets me more into the procrastination mode :willy_nilly:
 
In the late 1940s, my dad worked every summer to pay for college. In those days you could walk into the Gary Indiana plant of US Steel, and be working the next day.
First day on the job, the old timers came up to him and explained how to Avoid Work, which, they told him, was not a choice, as, if he made the rest of them look bad, he would get beat up AND fired.
So they showed him where in the gigantic mill to hide, which times and places to make token appearances, and how to go along to get along. He didnt mind- he read a few books a week, and sitting behind a giant pile of rolls of steel, reading, while getting paid, was just fine with him.
40,000 employees worked at that steel mill in those days.
He had similar stories about the season he spent installing seats in Studebakers on the production line.
Avoiding work is a tradition that goes back thousands of years.
When America was Great the first time, they had a system. Now, you have to google it and do it on your own.
 
In the late 1940s, my dad worked every summer to pay for college. In those days you could walk into the Gary Indiana plant of US Steel, and be working the next day.
First day on the job, the old timers came up to him and explained how to Avoid Work, which, they told him, was not a choice, as, if he made the rest of them look bad, he would get beat up AND fired.

My Grandfather (who was in the quarry business, supplying lime and buying slag aggregate) said, in response to US Steel getting sold off, "US Steel always seemed to promote the tallest guy available." Grandpa is 5'7" and doesn't think much of that method. Maybe the big guys couldn't fit into the approved hiding spaces so they had to actually work.
 
I worked in a shop of 12 on the shop floor and 2 1/2 in the office/shipping. the owner died kind of sudden and his wife hired advisers, some local and one as far off as Hawaii, we had meetings, in person and on the phone with these folks to the end that work almost stopped in the shop. Many of the meetings when done left them feeling satisfied they solved some big issues, it left me thinking we just spent 2 hours where I could have been setting up machines and helping keep others running but instead I was part of a comity that had meetings to put off decisions that we should have made last week, Dilbert would have been proud. I packed up my toolbox and desk and started buying machines. One of the advisors married the widow and took over the shop until they procrastinated all the customers away. He passed and another shop leases the building and machines now.
 
In the late 1940s, my dad worked every summer to pay for college. In those days you could walk into the Gary Indiana plant of US Steel, and be working the next day.
First day on the job, the old timers came up to him and explained how to Avoid Work, which, they told him, was not a choice, as, if he made the rest of them look bad, he would get beat up AND fired.
So they showed him where in the gigantic mill to hide, which times and places to make token appearances, and how to go along to get along. He didnt mind- he read a few books a week, and sitting behind a giant pile of rolls of steel, reading, while getting paid, was just fine with him.
40,000 employees worked at that steel mill in those days.
He had similar stories about the season he spent installing seats in Studebakers on the production line.
Avoiding work is a tradition that goes back thousands of years.
When America was Great the first time, they had a system. Now, you have to google it and do it on your own.
what a wonderful mindset...
and then people complain why they make shit money.
 
5. ENDLESS TRAINING. That one struck home to me. So, for anyone willing to read the 1st hand real life experience I witnessed in a certain Government office, read on.

US Patent and Trademark office. It's FILLED with consultants (as are other Gov't offices I learned) doing a great deal of the work our government workers are supposed to be doing.

I'm there as a Process Analyst as part of the Team dealing with the implementation planning for a big, new, IT systems upgrade for what was essentially their Patent ERP system. Lots of departments involved, etc. As a Consultant I worked for one department there. Held meetings lead review meetings with the Customer showing charts, timelines, milestones to be met, resources and time required, etc.

There was one particular fellow I commonly checked in with, and I started to run into a series of "He's gone to TRAINING and it's a three day course", "He's out for training today, won't be back till tomorrow", etc. This happened several times over, hmmm, two to three months I think. Seemed like an awful lot of days off for a variety of Training courses.

So finally one time when he was back and I was meeting with him in his office I casually asked about all the training he's been getting. Nothing adversarial in asking, I was simply curious. At which point, with a smile, he let me in on the gravy train with an explanation that, as I recall, went something very much like:

"Yeah. Part of our employment "package" is that we are encouraged to put in for ANY KIND OF TRAINING we can, if we can find a reason to link it to our job. Doesn't matter what kind of training (He gave some examples like Windows, Word, Excel, Powerpoint, MS-Project, or anything else at all). So we put in for it, we get to go. Training logs are kept to keep track of what kind of Training we've been taking each year and that contributes to yearly Bonus considerations".

On the one hand, this doesn't sound unreasonable, right? Except this was occurring for ANYTHING that could be made to sound like it might be a help in the job, multiple times a year, out of the office with . . . Consultants filling in doing their work when they are gone. I was leading a project planning meeting one time, the conversation was moving along, responsibilities being validated, when . . . BAM! . . . the entire convo halted and went sideways as the 6 to 8 Federal Employees hear the word "MS-Project" would be used to track scheduling. Every Fed Employee suddenly got all animated and smiley as, for 10 minutes, they gushed about how they'd get to be gone for several days for that Training. In an environment where the consultants would be doing the bulk of MS-Project work for the customer, with the Customer reading reports or reviewing on-screen time-lines.

Short Version - 5. Endless Training
1) Taxpayer dollars used to pay for Patent personnel
2) Taxpayer dollars being used to pay Consultants to backfill Federal Employees when they are gone for training.
3) Taxpayer dollars being used to pay for TRAINING, of any sort, that office workers could find a way to tie it to their jobs.
4) More taxpayer dollars used to pay for the bonuses influenced by he amount of Training they got in a year.

5) Goto Step 1

Endless Training in Federal Offices, at least at that time anyway, was quite a racket IMO. This coming from a guy who is a big proponent of Training.
 
Most of the ones we've had over the years need retrained to do on Monday the same task they were doing on Friday and often would argue about how they were taught to do it.
 
Years ago when we switched our CAD over to SW, we all attended SW training provided by the VAR in order to get up to speed as fast as possible. I recall there were 3-4 folks in the training class from a well known UC located in the SF area who were mechanical techs from the school's shop facilities. It was like they were on vacation, taking long lunches, half engaged in the content etc. Turns out they were all taking advantage of "work related training". I thought "my tax dollars at work".
 
It was like they were on vacation, taking long lunches, half engaged in the content etc. Turns out they were all taking advantage of "work related training".
Lots of people just generally suck. The setting rarely matters. They think they're getting one up on the man or whatever. The only person not getting trained is themselves. Skills are something you keep. Training is 100% investment in me.

This was often the reason I was given for people not being paid to attend trade shows. People would say they were going to the show. They might go for an hour or two, then ditch to go do something else (golf, sight-see downtown, whatever). I had to use PTO (Paid Time Off--vacation / sick, for @Doozer) to go to any trade events for over 20 years.
 








 
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