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OT: Divorce Hell Seeking Advice

Devorcehell

Plastic
Joined
Sep 23, 2020
I'm a long time member here but the current member name on this post is not correct to protect the innocent.

So served spouse with divorce papers after many years (life time of marriage)
Spouse claims abuse obtains move out order, restraining order.
Can't go near home or shop,

While I am gone Spouse hires some guys to clean out my shop to move and attempt to hide all of my machines in violation of the Divorce orders issued by Court. My Attorney will deal with that problem.

The guys spose hired are not machine movers or riggers it's a couple of car guys with a shop and a large trailer.
Just about everything is damaged to some extent. Ranging from minor scratches to chipped ways, bent sheet metal, damaged electrical and possibly bent tables.
At this point I do not have access to the machines so I can not really inspect them.

Some of the machinery.Toolroom lathe, mills, Drill presses, Grinders, Bandsaws, ect.

Lots of fully restored vintage high end machinery.
The restored machines are the real heart breaker for me.

My dilemma is obtaining accurate quotes for repairs? I don't even begin to know where to look?

Any Advice would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance
 
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Sorry to hear about this. Follow the restrictions on the restraining order or else you will be thrown into jail. You lawyer said should be experienced with restraint orders and perhaps if his specialty is not criminal law then you should hire that kind of lawyer since she has all edged abuse and obtained a restraining order.

Charges of a domestic nature are very serious and can effect your life in a very negative way. You must have income to pay for the protection you need in the legal way.

A whole lot of people go through this. If you have children then it is harder as a wife will seek full custody usually.

I would suppose you might have heard reports or seen pictures or both to know you have damage.

Keep your cool and do not let this cause you to despair. You are in good company.
 
If you go to see her, make sure you do not block her car. A neighbour of mine in Florida did that and when she called the Police, they arrested him and charged him with kidnapping as she could not escape.

Sorry to hear of your situation.
 
Cut her brake lines?
Be a rebel and point bang sticks at the “movers”?

Joking! Keep your cool. Don’t lose sleep and DONT make yourself look bad in ANY light to the courts because they will send you through the ringer.
And remember she’s almost out of your life and I take her actions as a sign YOU MADE THE ROGHT CHOICE!

Hindsight is 20/20 my mother always told me. Don’t beat yourself up over things you couldn’t predict.

The goal is to make HER look bad and this won’t help her case.

Good luck buddy and god speed.
 
Your best shot of any financial recovery is before and after pics of damaged stuff. During whatever property settlement, as assets are split, MAYBE you get something back. Wouldn't 100% count on it though. Too many if's. Who has the better lawyer, which judge, and who has the hardest head during any attempted property settlement agreement.

Often the softer of the two people gives in first, or the one with deeper pockets to give to shithead lawyers to drag it out until one side is just wore down. Other big if's, is what will actually be in property settlement, how much in banks, vehicles, actual real-estate. Time in marriage, who earned and contributed what, what did you own prior to marriage etc etc.

Good chance this cost will be a wash, just shoved into the mix.

All to late for you, so don't want to sound the hindsight 20/20. But for the rest of you, you can generally see these things coming a long mile off. Never assume you will keep the house. Assume at best, you will be forced to sell and split the whats left from sale. Or at worst, you are now labeled a wife beater and drunk, locked out.

If its coming, sell your shit off first. Gradually move it to storage. Something. All too often good men are suddenly wife beaters on break up, and guess who benefit of a doubt swings toward.

Its way way cheaper to keep them, if at all doable. Use a call out service if need be. But way way cheaper to hang around.
 
Every man here knows divorce is hell...And they all also know it's skewed in her favor.

Strait men should be marching in the streets demanding equal rights, not gay men. Gay men don't know how good they have it.

That little slit is kryptonite for men.....And we never seem to look at the price tag before we buy.
 
Welcome to the bottom. No fun and worse.
Hell is what you make it.
Ride the storm and come out the other side. Everything will be so wrong and the losses hard.
You gained these things once and can do it again even if all is stolen from you.
Yes I for sure know how these words sound as stupid bullshit when down in the pit but ...
Bob
 
I'm not advising you, BUT, a friend several years back owned an engine balancing service including metal working machinery. A partner split up locked all his equipt. up in red tape. He came to me and asked if I could get him a crew of guys to go there and load all his equipt up in a hydraulic lift ryder truck. I knew there were 3-4 people at the facility that wouldn't let it go easy, so I figured if I arranged enough big guys, like a dozen, there would be less chance of a confrontation. It worked but the equipt was under court order to remain in the owners storage. He couldn't quite use it, but the partner couldn't either until a legal settlement. Slightly different situation, but an option.
 
Lawyers. They cost. Because, they are worth every penny!

Sorry to hear of your problems, glad it ain't me.

But every guy I knew that did anything other than speak through their Lawyers, screwed themselves!
 
I've never been divorced, probably because I've never been married... Yet..

One thing I have learned, a good lawyer is worth their weight in gold. Another thing I have learned is that a cheap lawyer is false economy. Its like buying HSS endmills. "But they are only $15" and it takes 40 of them to do the work of a single $50 fancy carbide endmill, that can do it 3 times faster.

So.. I have to ask... What did you do?
 
It's possible to do a divorce without lawyers. Me and my ex did it, and though it wasn't always easy, we DID get to keep all of the money that would have gone to lawyer and court costs.
 
Give her the machinery at before moved price and you take everything else...Phil

A few things:
1) Actually, you DO NOT want to take above suggestion as it is likely she won't want your equipment. For settlement purposes, you want to negotiate as follows:
- for the stuff you WANT, you need to argue the lowest possible value
- for the stuff you DO NO WANT and she does want, you need to argue the highest possible value
Therefore, presuming you want to keep the equipment, you get an appraisal that sets it at junk value. The fact that it is damaged is hugely in your favor here. Also, I would just drop any arguments about damage to your stuff...it is all community property, she can do whatever she wants to it. BUT as stated, you want this stuff to be worthless.
2) ABSOLUTELY get the best attorney you can afford. Attorneys are always way more expensive than you can tolerate, but most bad divorce settlements come from not being represented properly. Where you get screwed is in subtle areas like spousal support, child support, etc which often can be more expensive than any up-front payments.
3) Unless you had money prior to your marriage, in California you are in community law state and therefore all assets are owned in community and the two of you just decide how to divide it up, relatively simple to do [SEE NOTES ABOVE!!]
4) In California, if you worked and your wife did not, you are screwed in long-term marriages on the spousal support. If on the other hand, your wife worked and you didn't, MERRY CHRISTMAS.
5) Child support is a formula dictated by California law, and relative earning power is a big influencer, but this only kicks in if you have less than 18 y/o kids.

To OP: PM me if you want more detailed suggestions....I am an expert (unfortunately), though not a lawyer.
 
If you go to see her, make sure you do not block her car. A neighbour of mine in Florida did that and when she called the Police, they arrested him and charged him with kidnapping as she could not escape.

Sorry to hear of your situation.

All one has to do is block their way. It is unlawful confinement.
 
Someone informed me about the machines being moved. I was able to visit the site before the 2nd restraining order was issued.
The machines were outdoors in a parking lot. The next day they were moved into storage.
 








 
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