OT-Unexpected Death of a Parent-Tips for Working Alone?
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  1. #1
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    Default OT-Unexpected Death of a Parent-Tips for Working Alone?

    No delicate way to say this, but about 12 hours ago my Dad died.

    Very unexpectedly as he was only 53, he didn't drink or smoke, exercised and wasn't overweight. He'd gone to the ER 20 hours before, thinking he was having a heart attack, but wasn't.

    They dismissed him saying it was probably gas/food poisoning. He started to deteriorate rather rapidly at about 11 o'clock last night and Mom took him to the ER again, once there, they tired to raise his low blood pressure and that's when we think his aorta ruptured.

    The medical examiner is going to do an investigation to try and find out what happened and maybe see why he was dismissed from the ER the first time.

    Didn't realize that yesterday would be his last day, but after coming back from the ER (the first time), he and I talked about what would happen if he had died. And I'm glad we did that and I think that little 5min, half kidding conversation is going to help me.

    It's hard to put into words. Friday night he picked me up from UH , on the ride back we were talking about what were going to get done today and plans for the future like we always do. And anything seemed possible, he and I have moved some real mountains and done stuff that was borderline impossible.

    I kinda promised him that I'd finish the farm for him. For the last 19 years (my whole life), he's been trying to get a farm started from nothing. Which for those that don't know, is VERY hard.

    But working my own is going to be something new, having an extra set of hands really makes a world of difference.

    PM is probably not the best place for this, but I'm sure someone here has gone through this before and may have some advice. I don't really know where to begin, I'm going to be calling the CPA for life insurance, taxes, etc Monday.

    I think writing this rambling couple of paragraphs has harder than seeing the body. So many things I should have done differently. He really was a hell of guy.

  2. #2
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    first, my condolences to you and the rest of your family on your loss.

    Second..... drag a friend into it. its not safe doing many things completely alone.... machining, farming and rigging are but 3 of them. Have SOMEONE around.

    Third, find a mentor for the farm, someone local whos been there done that.

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    My condolences, rather a Weak statement.
    Really a shocker when it is sudden.
    Good luck with your farm plans.

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    I am sorry to hear that your father passed away and offer my condolences. To be honest I can't imagine what you will be going through, the closest person to me that has died is my mother in law. That set me back a good month before I could really function properly. Things are going to be different and it will set you back in ways you can't imagine so don't expect to be fully functional for awhile. As for working alone you do what you have to. Depending on the size of the farm you may HAVE to hire some help at times.

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    Matt -

    My condolences to you and the rest of your family. I was older than you when I lost my Dad suddenly and can still remember the mix of emotions. You will go through some tough patches, especially the next few days - at least I did.

    Honor what you were taught and be thankful you have good memories. And use those experiences as you move on with your life. The good legacies we have is what makes us stronger as we go through life.

    Dale

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    That's pretty rough. Really rough. I'm sorry.

    Don't be surprised if your ambition is gone for a good long time. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Things are going to look different now.

    My grandpa was a doctor and he always told folks it would take at least a year for them to feel normal again. I would avoid any kind of drastic changes in that time.

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    No words can provide the support you need now, I really feel for you, My dad walked into the V.A. hospital in Minneapolis and they carried him out 1 1/2 days later. It happens so fast its like a hurricane. I know what you are going through, My condolences to you and yours.

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    Condolences...you are just starting the grieving process, and while I've never lost a parent, I don't believe it's a short process.

    If UH is University of Houston, make sure you contact the school for bereavement leave.

    The only thing that I would say, and this is coming from someone who had to get older really fast at the same age is don't forget to be a kid. Most parents prepare for situations like this so that their kids can still grow up and realize their own dreams, even if they need their help to accomplish theirs. By that, I mean if you share the dream to get your Dad's farm off the ground, you'll be more committed to that dream if you prove to yourself that you share the dream by putting the farm in a holding pattern as much as possible so that you can be your own man. Don't try too hard to grow over the next few years, just be yourself. I can also tell you that if I had a child that committed themselves to helping me accomplish my dreams, I'd take it as a hell of a compliment. But with that, I would NEVER expect my daughter to sacrifice her late teens early twenties for my dreams. So just make sure that you take the time to hang out and BE.

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    Matt;

    I am very sorry for your loss. My Dad passed when I was in my late 20's, but he was much older than 53,
    and it wasn't entirely unexpected.

    From a practical perspective, probably the most immediate is funeral arrangements. Did he ever express any personal preferences?? Did he
    own a plot already?? Watch out, as this can be very expensive. If a veteran, he may be entitled to some benefits (a military funeral, if your family wishes).

    Secondly, did he have a will and do you know where it is. It will usually specify an executor, and that person will need to go through many hoops.
    They will need many copies of the certificate for claiming insurance/benefits. If no will, I would consult a lawyer, as things are different in each state.
    My father-in-law died without a will, so just went through this last year.

    It may take some time, but things will get better.

    Jon P.

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    Matt, such awful news, very sorry you've lost your dad, especially so young. Those of us with aging parents have had time to consider and reconcile ourselves to the inevitable, but to have it thrust on your family like this is horrible. My best wishes to you and the rest of your loved ones.

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    sorry for your loss. been there and its miserable. IF your mom is still around, just remember as tough as it is on you, its worse on her and she'll need lots of support. Don't make any decisions today.

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    Matthew, I'm sorry for your loss. Take things one step at a time, and be cognisant of getting overwhelmed. You'll feel fine one moment and like the world is ending the next- but you will get through it. Be certain your university knows what the case is, and afford you the appropriate accommodations as you need them. The harsh reality is that schools are extremely inflexible for most everything, and you don't want to sacrifice your education or your future because you thought the university would understand after the fact. Get them on board as soon as possible.

    I believe the best thing you can do going forward is continue being the man your father raised. From the sounds of it, you've already given it a hell of a start.

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    My condolences, You did fine. Talking plans with a 19 year old son is one of the best pleasures a dad can have.

    Come here and ramble couple of paragraphs any time you wish.

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    uughh. so sorry.
    me too in july.

    life isn't fair. so sorry you only got 19 years with him.
    makes me tear up just thinking about that.

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    I am so sorry to hear the news, my condolences.

    My dad died the week after I turned 20 unexpectedly. I was very close with my father as well. I hit me like a ton of bricks and as mentioned it took well over a year to start thinking straight. My dad has been gone 36 years, not a day goes by I don't think about him. If I can be of any help don't hesitate to PM me

    Steve

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    Matt,
    My condolences. Like everybody else has said, don't rush it. Take time to grieve, and then make your plans.

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    My condolences alskdjfhg, may your dad RIP.

    You've a tough row to hoe, may I suggest before anything else, be there for your mom, she's #1.

    As far as sorting things out, if you don't know, please ask someone who does,....slip ups can prove heart wrenching and expensive.

    As for yourself? ..... that's one of the many things PM is here for, ..........PM me if you feel the need.

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    Add my name to the long list of condolences. Your father was younger than I am. A sobering reminder of our mortality.

    Don't forget to talk about what a great guy he was, and what he meant to you. PM for a number if you just need to talk.

  24. #19
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    My condolences I was 43 when my dad died and it was still a hard hit. The thing that helped me through the first week or so was knowing that many others have been through this and have come out okay. Try not to make big irreversible changes for the first year until your mind settles down some.
    Maybe there is some retired person who would like to help run a farm or at least add their advice. I wonder if the county ag agent, university ag department, farm bureau, church groups have programs to help teach modern farming methods and could help you meet someone local who can give advice.
    Bill D.

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    Can't offer much beside my sorrow for your Dad's passing and best wishes for the future.

    This will hit your Mom really hard, too. I'd try to stay engaged with her, busy together, rather than retreating into grief and action alone?

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