Is English easy ???

Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.

SCENE: The Oval Office. George Bush and Condolezza Rice.

George: Condi! Nice to see you。 What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.

George: Great . Let's hear it.

Condi: Hu(who)is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you。 Who is the new leader of China? 　　

Condi: Yes

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu(who).

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu(who).

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu(who).

George: The Chinese?

Condi: Hu(who)is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu(who)is leading China.

George: Well,I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's whose(Hu's) name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me who(Hu)is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes sir(Yassir).

George: Yassir? You mean Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who(Hu)is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir(Yassir).

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who(Hu)is?

Condi: Yes, sir(Yassir).

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of
the new leader of China.

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. I bet he knows.

Condi: Kofi(coffee)?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi(coffee)?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi(coffee).

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir(Yassir).

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi(coffee)?

George: No, milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: Call who(Hu)?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N.?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir(Yassir).

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N!

Condi: Kofi(coffee)?

George: All right! Light with sugar. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.

I allways thought English was easy but then again I have learned it from kindergarten. People of other languages most likely think the same of their language.

Looking at all the nuances in English, it must be extremly hard for a foreign speaker. This is no doubt true of all languages but because English is the 'World' language, its non-English speakers who have it tough.

A true story.

My buddy from London comes over to visit me when I was living in Portalnd, OR. He is a smoker and in England cigarettes have the nickname F*G.
While me and him are standing outside my apartment door, my smoker neighbour steps out with a cigarette in his mouth. Well my bud without thinking (habit) asks for a F*G. You folks can imagine the look on my neighbours face. I didn't want to clear the situation up too quick cause I ws too busy cracking up.

English is one of the most difficult languages to learn and according to 'enry 'iggins "The Americans haven't spoken it for years".

Rumin:

You seem to have a good command of it. Keep that up and you can get a stand up comic gig at a club.

You can use the stage name Karl, the last of the Marx brothers

Badda Boom!

And I'd like to let Our English Brothers know that I'm simply mad about my flat.

And I'd like to let Our English Brothers know that I'm simply mad about my flat.

Click to expand...

Please select your option as to what is ment by the quoted remark.

1. I love my apartment
2. I hate my apartment
3. I'm angry at something in my apartment
4. I love my punctured tire
5. I'm angry at my punctured tire

English is a completely insane language that does'nt just aquire new words from other languages , it does the equivelent of dragging them down a dark alley and mugging them for new words , and of course is further complicated by there being 2 different versions Proper english and that what is spoken across the other side of the pond

Boris

ahh the delights of wear and were... and where to use them

ahh the delights of wear and were... and where to use them

Click to expand...

And who should use them when speaking with whom?

It's a fun language if you like puns.

The United States and Great Britain -- two great nations separated by a common language...

And we won't even talk about Canadian, Australian, New Zealand, Indian subcontinent, and other variations...

One of the nicer things about the English language is that the French so obsessively hate it. They periodically go on language purification rituals where they try to throw out all the words in common use in France which are English or are derived from English words.

Guess the French don't appreciate the irony that English has become the world's "lingua Franca"...for the moment at least.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lingua_franca

Charles

French doesn't have the dominant position that English has which is why they have a more protectionist atttitude towards their language.

A few months ago, I read on Deutsche Welle news that some German politicians were proposing using English for goverment discussions. It got strong opposition from other politicians.

There are soo many dialects of English that one could argue there is no such thing as 'English'.

I had a Yugoslavian tell me that we talk backwards. English is very easy if you compare it to Pool, the harder you hit them, the more English you can get out of them.

LOL, and what does this have to do with machining?

Machine manuals have to be written in SONE language...

Apparently some English think that we should revert to speaking the King's English here in the USA, as well as have the King back.

`The extension of British rule throughout the world ... the colonization by British subjects of all lands where the means of livelihood are attainable by energy, labour, and enterprise and especially the occupation by British settlers of the entire Continent of Africa, the Holy Land, the Valley of the Euphrates, the islands of Cyprus and Candia, the whole of South Africa, the islands of the Pacific not heretofore possessed by Great Britain, the whole of the Malay Archipelago, the seaboard of China and Japan, the ultimate recovery of the United States of America as an integral part of the British Empire....''

From Cecil Rhodes first will (1877), he went on to endow the Rhodes Scholarship for American graduates to 'study' at Oxford University

English is the technical/science language. I have heard that Japanese scientists will speak to each other in English because of the difficulty, if not impossibility, of expressing certain concepts in japanese. Also, most computer software is English.

It is somewhat easy to learn basic English, enough to be understood. But, as mentioned above, the nuances is what gets the foreigners. And often, the natives. (Should you say, "I couldn't care less." or, "I could care less."? )

In college, the foreigners that spoke the best English, in my opinion, were the Iranians.

Chinese have a hard time with tense. I have heard them says something like, "I go to dentist.", and you don't know if they meant today, yesterday, tomorrow, now or later. Apparently, there is no tense in Chinese.

OK, now I get to tell my hillbilly story. I don't want to hear any of your hillbilly jokes, so don't offer. I have heard them all:

This old man and woman were in court to get a divorce.

The man tells the judge, "She has this can under the bed, and it stinks, and she won't empty it. And I can't stand it anymore."

Judge says, "Wait. Wait. What are you talking about? I don't understand this can. What is in the can? Is it urine?"

"No. No" says the man, emphatically, "It's her'n."

It is sad to think that Americans can neither speak nor write English. Note the correct
"neither, nor" as a change from " either, or"
If you get it wrong you get " a double negative" which is French for a " cock up" Except of course when it is a " double entendre" or a ball's up.
You will notice that changing into the plural that the apostrophe ' appears after the plural noun whereas if it is on one ball that is possessd the up takes the apostrophe after the single noun but adds the possesive "s" to the up bit. Now have you got got all this down? At this juncture, one( note the correct use of the single possesive noun and not he,she or it but one)gets worried because most English footballers have only one ball whereas the rest of normal males have two eventually. The second testicle goes into the scrotum after birth- which is a messy business- and the whole thing is known as " dropping a bollock"

If you think that the foregoing- which is one and not four is complicated, move into the Balearic Islands of Spain. I have a house in Menorca not Mallorca so Menor should mean small but not smallest because Mallor means Major. You could be right but Ibiza is the smaller and Formentera is the tiniest really. You got that?
Bien!
So, the Official language of Spain is Castillian but under Regional Government this is really Catalan but each island not only speaks its own language but adopts its dialect as its Official language. So in Menorca they speak a version of Catalan which counts up to ten in French and into Castillian for the rest. Easy? but the French were beaten by Lord Nelson and English words have crept in to add to Arabic when they were kicked out by Ben Hur or Ben Him a mere 400 Years ago.

And of course, Charlton is a Northumbrian Surname whilst Heston is a a place in Middle- sex.Please don't ask as February in England is
" Fill ************"

Confused, it's all a bit of "F*g" which comes from " faggotty" or stick which suggests a Fascist playing the bassoon.

I rest my case but retain my brief for a fee of half a knicker. This you will realise is a tanner short of a guinea or exactly half a sovereign or an eighth of half a crown.

Regrettably, I have never been more serious

Norm

Keep 'em coming Norm....

Shouldn't that be a tanner short of half a guinea or four half crowns?

Jim

Uh oh! The linguistic police have arrived!

Back to Condi. She is said to be brilliant, but some say not. Supposedly she studied in Russia and can speak fluent Russian. But when she went to see Putin a few months ago, I didn't hear a single russian word come out of her mouth. As far as I heard, she gave all of her speaches in English. I was expecting some Russian from her.

So what gives? Did anyone hear any news reports of her speaking russian in Russia?

Funny that we mention English... While the Brits were busy correcting the rest of the world on their sub-standard grammar and intonnation, they forgot to mind the empire!

It must drive them batty that nobody cares!

Now let us get it correct!! However it is refreshing to be reminded that 'correct' English from the other side of the pond is appreciated....even if we chuckle.

Rumin reminds me of "Who's on First" by Abbott and Costello


http://www.effingpot.com/

Only in English do feet smell and noses run.
Des

and you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway!

I can still buy a pound of cucumbers - and God help me if I try that in the "modern" UK.... :>

Rumin.... By George, I think you got it!!!

to continue your proper education I perscribe 4 Marx Brothers movies, a course of Ferris Bueller's Day off, and three episodes of Buffy the VS.... then copious Jack Daniels. The last part is required to understand that Tennessee approach to difficult issues.....

--jerry