I could use some fatherly advise...
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  1. #1
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    Default I could use some fatherly advise...

    As a few of you know, I've been in sales almost 2-1/2 years now, focused mainly on selling cutting tools to machine shops, etc.

    I'm ready to move away from that, and back into the shop. To keep it short, there's two levels of frustration with the sales job that make it not worthwhile anymore. To be honest, I'm not really interested in posting any details - trying to stay on the high road here. (And certainly accepting my own failures & deficiencies here through it all.)

    Here's where I would appreciate some insight.

    I have a customer that I've been speaking with, regarding coming to work for them. Let's call it a programming/training job for now. Smaller business, family owned, very nice environment & equipment. Very high standards of work in difficult parts. I could see myself fitting in quite well with the people there. I undertstand that there are no perfect jobs, but I like the people (from my somewhat limited interaction with them,) I like that they have a mix of high-quality equipment, nice shop environment, nice cars in the parking lot, etc... (They seem to pass my pre-employment litmus tests, and I like the people.)


    It would require me to relocate myself & family about an hour away. I'm ok with the idea, though I have a wife & two kids - one starting kindergarten this year, one toddler, wife staying at home for a while.

    I could stick it out & find work in our home town, though this particular opportunity excites me much more than anything I'm aware of now, in our hometown. I really like the owners, and after the first round of talks with them, my gut says "do it". For what it's worth, I feel like my "gut" has been pretty accurate through the years, even including the present job I'm in.

    I'm also trying to be cognizant of moving my family as well. Granted, it's not that far, but still moves us further from my & my wife's extended families.

    One thing to consider is that we're selling our house now in order to down-size (financially) so my wife can be home with the kids. (#2 was a surprise - It's been a roller-coaster 2 years... LOL) So, that's already one major push out of our comfort zone. We can certainly stay in our current town, but selling our home also makes the possibility of moving to another city easier to justify.



    Please weigh in. I may be wuss' to some of you, but it's a decision I don't take lightly. I would appreciate any "fatherly" advise for sure. Thanks in advance.

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    Can't type/talk much now, at work, but I moved for a job some years ago. I can PM you later if you are interested on my take of moving for a job (albeit I moved much farther)

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    Good Morning Sir,

    First of all, let me say that it's quite an accomplishment to be in sales for that amount of time. I know that I couldn't do it.

    It sounds like you found a really nice place to at least peak your interest plus the selling of the house anyway, makes it one less hurdle. An hour further away from family/friends is not insurmountable by any stretch of the imagination. Sit down with the management and pound out every single detail in person prior to even talking about salary.

    The final decision has to be a joint decision between your wife and yourself. In the end: good/bad/ugly your wife will still be there and you need to make her a partner in this decision.

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    I am reading around the edges here and it sounds like financial issues are a motivation here.

    My first instinct is to say take the job and deal with a long commute until you are sure it is going to work.

    However, if you are wanting to sell the house to get into something more affordable anyway, this might be a good time.

    It sounds to me like you are thinking the right way, looking for a quality opportunity rather than just a job, but think clearly, if this is a financial stress, is that going to change? What are the opportunities to improve your financial situation in that company in the near future? Are you going to be looking for more money than that job is worth in the short term?

    Moving away from family, how much of your support network are you leaving? You are out working, your wife is 'home' but how much is family helping out so that she can function? If yo leave that behind what happens to her?

    We are at historically low unemployment, well at least today, and that means there should be many job opportunities for someone intelligent.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jashley73 View Post
    I would appreciate any "fatherly" advise for sure. Thanks in advance.
    Go for it, hippy !

    But maybe rent for the first six months, just in case.

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    An hr away is not that far. Sometimes it takes me an hr to drive 7 miles home here in Moresvill NC. Rent a place in the middle for a year and see where your life takes you from there. Good luck

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    Just an opinion, an hour is commutable for a short time, like maybe the first year, your older child can attend K, at home, while you feel out the job. The car you drive may play a part in the decision, but if you have been in sales, driving is something you already do. That adds 10 unproductive hours to your week, but, again you may already have those same hours in unproductive sales calls. Short term take the job, and gut the commute out, long term, every chance you get, take the wife and kids to the new city, find the interesting / fun things to do, find the best school for the kids, find a church (if you are so inclined) that accepts you and the family. Value your wife's input heavily, as she can be your best friend, or, well you know,,,each of your extended families can come to you, as well as you traveling to them. As far as buying a new downsized house, don't yet. whatever your budget on a mortgage, find rent slightly cheaper, for the year, you will have to move 2x, but, it's all part of the plan. put your home sale's money in a cd, or something better for the year. IF it doesn't go well at the new gig, no real issue for the family, and really just another step in your life's journey. Wishing you the best of luck, in whatever you decide.
    Chris

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    I work in Mooresville, used to live there too. Took me longer to drive across town than to Winston Salem.

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    I'm agreeing with post 4 and 7. No need for anything drastic right away such as selling your house and moving your family.

    Taking your time to move also gives you time to find the good places to move to.

    Don't know the traffic situation but 1 hour can be relaxing depending on how A to B is.

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    I would just commute the extra hour each way till you are sure, give it 6 months. I have only been to Kentucky a couple times driving here and there and at a guess would think a one hour drive from Louisville would not be that bad and not congested. I am one of those people who would rather drive an hour at highway speeds than 30 minutes in gridlock.

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    I agree with the try it out first then make the final decision to move. You never really know how good a fit it will be till you get there and get working. I’ve got two kids too one 2 year old and one 10 months so if I needed to move nows the time since they haven’t spent substantial time building a up a huge group of friends.

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    I knew someone with a similar situation. He is an excellent machinist and mechanic and so needed little supervision, didn't need the owner monitoring everything he did. Instead of 5 eight hour days, he worked 4 tens, saving one round trip.

    Bill

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    An hour trip isn't bad for a while until you sort out the other things.
    Just be aware that if you are going for a mortgage on your next house, a new job may not look the best to the bank. Especially with a non-working spouse.
    Also, I believe there is a time limit you can sit on the proceeds from your home sale without buying a new one, after which time you are on the hook for capital gains taxes.

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    One thing to consider is: How is your wife coping? If it seems like handling both kids isn't too hard for her, then losing the extra hours in a longer commute might be fine. That give you more flexibility in timing the house sale, or renting midway, etc.

    If she's stressed, then figuring out a way to be more available to her might be better. That could mean working the (nominal) four tens, as already suggested, but is there a chance the new boss might decide HE needs more of your time, or that coworkers get a little miffed that the new guy is getting special privileges? Perhaps starting at an earlier hour so you can be back home earlier is less of an issue?

    And right now you only have the perception that the new job/boss will be great, if they work weekends how about spending Saturdays there for a month, which would give you a much better feel for what's great and what's not-so in the new place. Bit of a reality check...

    It would also be helpful to have feedback from the your/your wife's parents - how do they feel about the longer travel time to visit? Do they take substantial time during the week to act as babysitters or honey-do helpers?

    And how's the housing (or renting) market in the two areas? A little rundown on that would inform advice here.

    I hope things work out for the best! One thing I'm sure about is that as a bright and responsible guy you're going to be a great dad, which is the best thing you can be for the next sixty+ years.

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    I would initially make the drive, and if the job works out, start looking for a house halfway in between.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Booze Daily View Post
    An hour trip isn't bad for a while until you sort out the other things.
    Just be aware that if you are going for a mortgage on your next house, a new job may not look the best to the bank. Especially with a non-working spouse.
    Also, I believe there is a time limit you can sit on the proceeds from your home sale without buying a new one, after which time you are on the hook for capital gains taxes.
    First two points are good. Third point isn't true as far as I know.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Weeks View Post
    I would initially make the drive, and if the job works out, start looking for a house halfway in between.
    Does that make it a halfway house?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hightemp View Post
    First two points are good. Third point isn't true as far as I know.
    Third point used to be true, no idea if it still is as tax laws may have changed.

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    You used to get a one-time exemption to downsize and not pay capital gains. It was 55+ but was changed to any age. Don't know if that's still the case or not.

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    J, you didn't mention your wife's feelings on the matter. Surely, you have discussed this with her?
    I think the commute, or "half-way-house" for a while is great advice personally.
    Your kids are young enough that even in kiddy-garden or 1st-grade, you wont be disrupting them too bad.
    As for moving away from family? You are going to go to work every day. Do you go see your family every day?
    One hour is not that far.
    Like someone mentioned above, it used to take me almost an hour to drive 11 miles home if I left at the wrong time of the day.


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