Stupidest thing an employee ever said - Page 18

# Thread: Stupidest thing an employee ever said

1. Hot Rolled
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Originally Posted by kilroyjones
New engineer was hired, had his BSME and was the smartest person he had ever met. I was unloading a truck of lumber in receiving. We had an indoor sunken bay where the trucks would back inside the building. We then used straps and overhead crane to move the wood bundles onto a metal cart that we pushed down to the other end of the building to crating. I was unloading when the engineer walked up..

"It's the only way we have.."
"You should unload it outside by the shipping dock."
"We don't have a forklift that will operate on rough ground."
"Well, instead of a cart you should carry it down with a forklift."
"Can't, lumber is to wide and won't clear the racks in several places."
"How long are the bundles?"
"16 feet"
"How much does one weigh?"
"Roughly 4,000 pounds"
"How big is our largest forklift?"
"5,000 pounds"
"I will design an 8' long beam that attaches to the forklift. You wrap straps around the bundle hook them to the beam, lift the bundle up and run it down the aisle..."

"Yeah, that won't work..."
"WHY?"
Uh, leverage."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN LEVERAGE?"
"Were you sick the day they taught leverage in engineering school?"
To be fair, I don't remember "leverage" being taught, at least not using that term. They certainly taught us about torque though.

2. That is a pretty simple statics problem. Two masses set on either side of a fulcrum at given distances. One side is going down

3. Cast Iron
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Originally Posted by Spruewell
That is a pretty simple statics problem. Two masses set on either side of a fulcrum at given distances. One side is going down
Not necessarily. Sometimes both ends go down.

4. Diamond
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Originally Posted by kilroyjones
Sad part is, he wasn't a kid. The guy spent 6 years in the military, ended up serving time in prison after that,
Smart judge....

5. Hot Rolled
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Originally Posted by Spruewell
That is a pretty simple statics problem. Two masses set on either side of a fulcrum at given distances. One side is going down
If it's not in equilibrium aka static, I'd think it's a dynamics problem.

6. Diamond
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Originally Posted by robert123
If it's not in equilibrium aka static, I'd think it's a dynamics problem.
Blood, Sweat & Tears - Spinning Wheel (Audio) - YouTube

7. Originally Posted by robert123
If it's not in equilibrium aka static, I'd think it's a dynamics problem.
Before you turn it into a dynamics problem, shouldn't you first do the easy statics problem to find out if
its going to turn into a dynamics problem.. And once it turns into a dynamics problem, who cares, the forklift
is going over... Or the load never comes off the ground and the ass end tilts up.

Then it becomes a statics problem again... How many fat ass Safety/Osha managers do you need to
pile on the tail end of the forklift to make the lift???

Bonus question.. If the ambient temp is 70F and you must use the air head engineer as ballast, how much
more ballast will be added if you deflate the 98.6F air out of his head.

8. Titanium
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To paraphrase, it might have been Archimedes sometime around 250 BC who said "Give me a long enough lever and I'll make your forklift tip over in the mud"...or something like that.

9. Me: "Gary, we need to talk."

Gary: "Why? Did you find out I lied on my resume?"

10. Originally Posted by Bobw

Bonus question.. If the ambient temp is 70F and you must use the air head engineer as ballast, how much
more ballast will be added if you deflate the 98.6F air out of his head.
If his skull is sufficiently rigid to stay in shape, you will lose ballast because air has weight. A standard high school physics demonstration is weighing a metal sphere when full of air and with the air pumped out. If his head collapses, it will be displacing less air and the difference will be the loss of buoyancy from the 98.5 air vs ambient.

Bill

11. Originally Posted by Newman109
To paraphrase, it might have been Archimedes sometime around 250 BC who said "Give me a long enough lever and I'll make your forklift tip over in the mud"...or something like that.

Hahahaha!!!

12. Cast Iron
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I'm pretty sure the entire goal of forklift safety is to keep things as a statics problem.

Don't get me wrong, I drive my forklift "dynamically" all of the time, but when you have to offset the pallet and clamp it to the forks so you can turn with at least two wheels on the ground (the left two, typically) then maybe OSHA won't like you very much.

13. Originally Posted by Newman109
To paraphrase, it might have been Archimedes sometime around 250 BC who said "Give me a long enough lever and I'll make your forklift tip over in the mud"...or something like that.
Can't beat the Irish.

14. Aluminum
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At my last job, I was a setup/button pusher roughing out 5,000lb castings on night shift. Any new hire would get trained on this one particular casting that was the real moneymaker on the production side of the shop. Very simple: line it up on the table with the gages, offset it, green button, shovel chips for 4 hours.

They hire a new guy, about 43, who wears a winter stocking cap despite it being 105 degrees in there (hot summer of 2012, no AC). I'm sure there could have been a medical issue, but I generally don't trust anyone wearing winter clothing when it's 105 out and guys are slamming water down and putting wet rags around their necks. Anyway, I digress.

One day, they tell me that he's going to look over my shoulder and that I get to train him on this job. Right off the bat, there's a an attitude:

I can run the crane -- lifts the huge part at an angle, slams it into the part next to it.
I can set it down on the table -- SLAM!
What time is break -- we don't get one, they told you that when they hired you.

Ok, show me how to offset it -- okay, now we're getting somewhere.
"F that, I'll remember."
"Get a piece of paper!"
"You ain't the boss of me!"
"You're gonna run this by yourself next week and I ain't taking the hit because you don't have a clue!"

He gets a paper. I make sure he actually writes. A few days later, it's his turn, and he's stuck on the offsets.
"How do I set offsets?"
"I showed you already. Didn't you remember?"
"Just tell me and quit being a d***!"
"Did you write it down?"
"....yes"
(I stand there in silence)
"GROAN! WHAT THE F!" (goes and gets the book)

Another night, we're unpacking and flipping castings upside down. Smaller, ONLY 3,000 lbs. He lifts one end up, to try and drag it over center. He's hooked it under and at the middle. I didn't catch it. The end goes up, over center it goes, falling sideways, tipping towards the non-hooked end, and swinging in the air, a giant wrecking ball.

The boss comes up and tells me I'll be running those parts with him and I said, "I don't know why he's here. He doesn't want to work, he doesn't want to be here or learn, and I'm not going to be anywhere near setting up a part with him on that crane, banging, dropping, and fixin' to kill someone." He was fired a few weeks later.

15. Plastic
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One particular one I get all the time after a part comes out wrong...

Me: "Did you indicate 'blank' back in?"

Doofus: "No"

Me: "Why not?"

Doofus: "Because it's got no choice but to be right"

16. Aluminum
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Originally Posted by NavTech
One particular one I get all the time after a part comes out wrong...

Me: "Did you indicate 'blank' back in?"

Doofus: "No"

Me: "Why not?"

Doofus: "Because it's got no choice but to be right"
Wow, that dude's a keeper right there. Holy cow.

17. Originally Posted by SigurdACVW
Ok, show me how to offset it -- okay, now we're getting somewhere.
"F that, I'll remember."
"Get a piece of paper!"
"You ain't the boss of me!"
"You're gonna run this by yourself next week and I ain't taking the hit because you don't have a clue!"

He gets a paper. I make sure he actually writes. A few days later, it's his turn, and he's stuck on the offsets.
"How do I set offsets?"
"I showed you already. Didn't you remember?"
"Just tell me and quit being a d***!"
"Did you write it down?"
"....yes"
(I stand there in silence)
"GROAN! WHAT THE F!" (goes and gets the book)

Another night, we're unpacking and flipping castings upside down. Smaller, ONLY 3,000 lbs. He lifts one end up, to try and drag it over center. He's hooked it under and at the middle. I didn't catch it. The end goes up, over center it goes, falling sideways, tipping towards the non-hooked end, and swinging in the air, a giant wrecking ball.

The boss comes up and tells me I'll be running those parts with him and I said, "I don't know why he's here. He doesn't want to work, he doesn't want to be here or learn, and I'm not going to be anywhere near setting up a part with him on that crane, banging, dropping, and fixin' to kill someone." He was fired a few weeks later.
The other side of that coin, off topic, but when did that stop us? An inspector who frequently tested gyros, accelerometers and similar instruments would carefully write down the procedure for each new test. In time Charlie's notebook became the de-facto shop standard. He also was a very nice guy, happy to share his information with anyone. Simply a matter of attitude.

Bill

18. Stainless
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Oh wow, I did 3 weeks in a row without screwing up anything. I deserve a raise.
He made it a few months before I sacked him. He protested to unemployment and lost too.
Another looser.
"remember last month when I told you I had a funeral to attend in 3 weeks and would need time off?"
Sacked him that day.

19. Originally Posted by Scruffy887
"remember last month when I told you I had a funeral to attend in 3 weeks and would need time off?"
Sacked him that day.
To be fair on that point.. I haven't been to a "Week Of" funeral in damn near 20 years..
Usually several months out, so that everybody can make travel plans, the yung'ns are on
school break, and then everybody can take some time and hang out with everybody for at
least a nice long weekend if not a week or more. More "Memorial service and party" than
funeral..

I hate funerals, I never understood the damn things.

20. Hot Rolled
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Originally Posted by 9100
The other side of that coin, off topic, but when did that stop us? An inspector who frequently tested gyros, accelerometers and similar instruments would carefully write down the procedure for each new test. In time Charlie's notebook became the de-facto shop standard. He also was a very nice guy, happy to share his information with anyone. Simply a matter of attitude.

Bill
At the shop where I worked it was "Kenny's Notebook". Kenny had detailed notes on all of the machinery in the dept as well as notes on the common parts that were made. Great guy and an outstanding employee, he would help anyone who wanted to learn. If you had an ounce of common sense you listened very close when Kenny started a sentence with, "A word to the wise..." He would then give you some very useful info on how not to destroy a machine or go home with only eight fingers.

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