OT- Woodworking humor, true story

William462 · Dec 15, 2007

I was in Lowes the other day, and a neighbor walked up to me and complained that he was doing a project on his table saw, and was having trouble finding a dildo blade. I advised him that he'd have better luck asking for a dado blade, and that a dildo is an entirely different concept. And...I did all this with a straight face, at least until he left !

Carl Darnell · Dec 15, 2007

You should have told him to ask one of the salespersons for a dildo blade and then ran for the exit.

Dave P. · Dec 15, 2007

....maybe for a Milwaukee Sawzall..........

3t3d · Dec 15, 2007

I go to the Subway, and ask for the ingredients, like Let-toochee (Lettuce) Tommy toes ( tomatoes) Zero Lives (Olives) Black Dust ( Pepper)

Next day, the new girl is making the sandwich.. She insists I get it with Cameltoes. (!)
Uh, Maybe not this time.
" No! You always get it with Cameltoes! "
Laughing....
"What? What is so Funny?? You always ask for Cameltoes!! "
Will that cost extra?
The whole place, except her, is laughing by now...
You might not want to say that...
" I Don't get it! "
I'll have the Tommy Toes instead, today please.

Years later, She is the manager, and she still laughs about that little incident..

Spud · Dec 15, 2007

On a similar vein..

Was at a construction equipment auction out in the middle of farm country, norther Wisconsin near Madison.

Was walking around and just as I passed a concrete vibrator that was sitting on a trailer, a guy says to his buddy that he got 1 last valentine for his wife but she doesn't use it. Dam strange to hear that in that setting. Ofcourse I am sure he was joking with his buddy and meant a regular vibrator,........ or was he

.

SlicerMan · Dec 15, 2007

I like the TV ad where the kid walks into shipping place and says " I would like to ship this package to Pa-Hoe-Nix".
Guy behind the counter looks at him strangely and says "Uh... I think you mean Phoenix sir,...don't you ?
Kid laughs at him..."Ha, Ha, Ha, Phoenix, thats weird Ha, Ha.
SM

BrassBuilder · Dec 15, 2007

OK...here's mine...this happened back when I was in high school in the late 70s.

I had to take my grandma to the grocery store to get some stuff. Well...one of the things she needed was canning jar seals....she calls them rubbers. Trust me....I don't think she knew what a "rubber" was to the younger generation. The conversation went something like this to a store clerk that was just a little older than me:

Grandma: I need some rubbers.
Clerk: what?
G: I need some rubbers.
C: ummmm....
G: you know...rubbers....
C: (looking like he is *very* uncomfortable)
Me (feeling extremely sorry for the guy): she needs the seals that go on canning jars.
C: Oh.

We got the "rubbers". I am sure the clerk laughed about this later. I lmao after I dropped my grandma off and told my friends this story.

Mike

RickWG · Dec 15, 2007

Colleague trying to fit the armored glass windshield into the frame of a P47, it's just a hair too big. He asks for advice & I say "use a Glass Mallet to trim it"....

His reply: Do you have one I can use?"

stuball48 · Dec 15, 2007

My turn and I will not change names or places--it all happened in the early 60s in Erin, Tn. We had a service station owned and operated by Mr. John Hankins and his sons--
Ed and J. C.
Mr. John was hard of hearing and a lady from Clarksville, Tn stopped and asked Mr. John if he had a rest room and he thought she said wisp broom to which he replied, "No mam but if you will step out from your car, I got a air hose - I can just blow it out." She left, quickly, and Mr. John was teased until his death about that incident and that incident got him lots of votes - enough to become sheriff of Houston County, Tn.

aboard_epsilon · Dec 15, 2007

you got to see this guys

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=xUNVFrRy-cE

all the best.markj

Luke · Dec 15, 2007

That was hilarious! I had to let the wife read that.

Years ago I worked in a hardware store. One night a lady came in and said "I need some really good caulk". It was hard not to burst out laughing, but I figured she was just looking for silicon glue.

Luke

castiron · Dec 16, 2007

A budy of mine was a pipefitter up on the Iron Range and he had a new helper,,, each time he would start to weld he would tell his hellper to watch it pretty son Gary said to the helper watch it,,, he said I can't ,, I cant see.
mac,,,,

WA Toolman · Dec 16, 2007

Many years ago, Taco Bell first came to this part of the world I call The Frozen North. (Right after I moved here.) At that time. locals had zero experience with Spanish pronunciation. Two Locals were ahead of me in line arguing about whether it was pronounced "tay-koes" or "tack-ohs' (I hope I'm making this clear) Anyway, after a few minutes of this I piped up and said "It's pronounced 'Talk-ohs' " They both looked at me like it was the dumbest thing they had ever heard.
<You may have to try reading this aloud to follow it.>

tools · Dec 16, 2007

Ok, that's funny. Another true story. Nosey neighbor, old dude who used to run around his pool in a speedo (NOT a pretty sight), was at my house. He walks in with me through the garage (shop) with my and his wife, looks around and says "wow, what a shop. You've got everything, a drill press, a table saw... and it has a dildo on it..."

The two wives and I just stared at him... not quite knowing what the hell to say. He figures it out and tries to back pedal. Hilarious.

Tools

Dirt Rider 3006 · Dec 16, 2007

"Years ago I worked in a hardware store. One night a lady came in and said "I need some really good caulk". It was hard not to burst out laughing, but I figured she was just looking for silicon glue."

Luke, have you seen this???

http://video.google.com/videoplay?d...l=3&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=1

eKretz · Dec 16, 2007

These remind me of some I've heard about and experienced. One of my buddies works in an auto parts store...he has this tale about some girl who came in to get brakes for a Ford FISO...get it? She though F150 was spelling FISO...=) One of my ex's had a way of mispronouncing all sorts of things. Y'know Keanu Reeves? She pronounced his first name as canoe. The brand of camera Canon? Canyon. Etc. etc.

RAS · Dec 16, 2007

As a teen, I worked in a gas station (a real service station, not a mini-mart). We did repairs, sold batteries, tires, etc. A buddy and I were working one day, when a very pretty woman came in, looking for a used tire, to replace one that had blown out on the highway. As Harv showed her what we had, she noticed the stack of tires marked 'NFG'. "What does NFG mean?" she asked. Barely missing a beat, Harv says "Not first grade". I didn't know he could think on his feet like that...

RAS

Mike C. · Dec 16, 2007

This one goes all the way back to high school, but is about the funniest thing I ever heard. I promise you, this actually happened as I was sitting there when it took place.

So we are sitting in biology class with the stearn, Aunt Bee looking teacher lecturing on genetics, and how cross breeding certain colors of cows will result in certain calves being born with different colors, and the chances of the above. Everybody is about nodding off, including the teacher.

Our head majorette, Katherine (very sweet, but about as ditzy as they come), suddenly eases her hand up with a question.

"Yes Katherine?" the teacher acknowldges...

"Um.... Ms. McKinney.... what if the cows don't want to do it?"

That old woman, and the rest of the class, was rolling on the floor for five minutes.

kdc · Dec 16, 2007

Setting in the Optical Shop while out at sea(in the USN) in the 70's when a guy comes in and says--" I need a 5 thirty-second tap" My buddy & the other guy working in the shop look at each other and instantly go into a tap dance---the guy that needed the tap looked perplexed turned around and left--don't think he ever came back.

clutch · Dec 16, 2007

A guy comes in to the auto parts store asking for a part for a goolie. The clerk said he never heard of one and the customer insists he has a Pontiac goolie.

They head outside to look and I tag along since my business was done.

Outside was parked a Pontiac 6000 LE

Clutch

OT- Woodworking humor, true story

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